Complete Man

Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother, and cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.                                             Genesis 2:24

            Netziv understands our verse to be the continuation of the Creator’s decree "It is not good that man is alone; I shall make him a helpmate opposite him (k’negdo)." [Genesis 2:18] In order to realize the purpose of being part of a couple, a man must leave his parents and “cleave to his wife, thus becoming as one flesh, loving her as if there were a single person.”

           Our verse adds that the prerequisite for a woman to become a helpmate is reciprocity in the marital relationship. The purpose of being a couple cannot be realized if one of the spouses rules over the other. “The woman is not secondary to her husband, but they must be as one flesh.” Each of the spouses must consider the needs and benefit of the other as he/she considers his/her own needs and benefit. This is the approach which is necessary to achieve true love.

          Yehuda Kiehl [Da’at Mikra] offers an enlightening comment: “The primary lesson which emerges from the description of the woman being formed of Adam’s rib is that husband and wife must complement each other as if they are ‘one flesh.’”

            Indeed, the Torah is consistent in its approach to being a couple:

Male and female He created them, and He blessed them, and He called their name man (Adam) on the day they were created.                            Genesis 5:2

            Though the verse refers to the first two human beings, Adam and Eve, it declares that God called their name (singular) man.

            Rabbi Shlomo Wolbe writes:

Man and woman together make a single Man (Adam). “And he called their name Adam” – a single man.

            Rabbi Wolbe expands and comments:

Until marriage, one is but half a person, and only upon marriage does one become a complete person. Following marriage there is no longer “I” but “we;” husband and wife together. Before marriage, the half-person is called “I” while following marriage, the spouses together form a whole person. All one’s traits must be focused on this, that they truly be as a single person.

       Indeed, Rabbi Ḥiyya bar Gamda elucidates our verse to mean that “Anyone who has no wife is an incomplete man,” [Breishit Rabba 17:2] while Rabbi Elazar goes further and states: “Any man who has no wife is not a man (at all).” [Yalkut Shimoni, Genesis 23]

         It is clear and obvious that achieving this goal is quite difficult.

         Rabbi Aryeh Levin once accompanied his wife to her doctor’s appointment, and when the physician asked what the problem is, Rabbi Levin responded “Her foot hurts us.”

This Dvar Torah is dedicated to the memory of my wife. Through God’s grace, Gloria was my helpmate for more than forty-one years.