Thursday, December 8, 2016

Rectifying Dad's Anger



… and she (Rachel) said to Jacob: “Give me children, or else I die.”             
And Jacob’s anger was kindled against Rachel, and he said: “Am I in God’s stead, Who has withheld from you the fruit of the womb?”     Genesis 30:1-2

          Jacob’s reaction to his beloved wife is surprising, to say the least. One would expect Jacob to relate with compassion, understanding and empathy when his favored wife informs him of what is most lacking in her life.
          Our classical commentators have attempted to explain Jacob’s behavior, at least since the first century C.E. Onkelos, who rarely strays from a direct translation of the verse into Aramaic, translates Jacob’s angry words:

Why do you make this request of me, you should ask God, Who has withheld from you the fruit of the womb.

          That is, in addressing the wish “give me children”, Rachel apparently ignores the fact that it is God’s purview, not Jacob’s, to grant children.
          Nonetheless, we would expect Jacob to respond in a gentle and compassionate manner.
          The comment of Rav Ovadya Sforno [c. 1475 - 1550] perhaps makes Jacob’s anger a bit less drastic:

Jacob’s anger reflected his zeal for his Master, and he did not pay attention to his love of Rachel.

          That is, Jacob’s angered response demonstrates that as deeply as he loves Rachel, he loves God even more.
          Aruch haShulḥan [Oraḥ Ḥayyim 1:6], in explaining the mitzva to love God, writes: all that is beloved to you, whether self, family, or anything else, must be null and void compared to your love of God. The verse which presents the mitzva of loving God is:

And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might (me’odecha).                             Deuteronomy 6:5

          Aruch haShulḥan suggests that “me’odecha” is derived from the word “me’od” (much) and translates the verse: Your love of God must be greater than anything which you love greatly.”
          Indeed, Jacob reached this lofty level of loving God. Thus, Midrash Sifrei states that “‘with all your might (me’odecha)’ refers to Jacob.”
          I believe that there is no escape from the words of Midrash Rabba:

The Sages of the south, quoting Rabbi Alexandri say: The Holy One, blessed be He, said to Jacob: “this is how you respond to a woman in distress? By your life, her son will stand before your sons and use the same words which you used: ‘Am I in God’s stead’.”

          The clear meaning of the Midrash is that Jacob’s response was not justified.
          At first glance, the Midrash seems to say that Jacob will be punished “measure for measure” (mida k’neged mida).
          In my opinion, the Midrash is teaching us something vastly different: Joseph’s use of the phrase “Am I in God’s stead” is not at all repayment for Jacob’s use of those words in anger. Joseph uses the words to allay his brothers’ fears that he will take revenge for their having sold him into slavery [Genesis 50:19].  Thus, when Joseph’s uses the same words spoken in anger by Jacob to calm down his brothers, it is the correction of his father’s mistake.



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