The Wayward and Rebellious Son and his Parents

When a man has a wayward (sorer), rebellious (moreh) son, who does not obey his father and mother, they shall have him flogged, and he does not listen to them…                   Deuteronomy 21:18

                In expounding on the phrase "who does not obey his father and mother," Netziv quotes Proverbs [1:8]:

Hear, my son, the instruction (mussar) of your father, and do not forsake the teaching (torat) of your mother.

Netziv explains that typically a father teaches his son Torah, while a mother teaches her son politeness and proper behavior. The son who does not heed the Torah which his father teaches him is called "sorer", while the one who ignores his mother's guidance is called "moreh." Thus, our verse refers to one who follows neither the path of Torah nor of politeness.

In a seemingly paradoxical manner, Netziv asserts that verse in Proverbs refers to teaching Torah as "mussar," while teaching proper behavior is referred to by King Solomon (the author of Proverbs) as "Torah". It would seem that teaching Torah should be labeled "Torah", while guidance in proper behavior should be called "mussar," which in its common use means ethics. It would appear that King Solomon's wording: "your father's mussar and your mother's Torah" forced Netziv's exposition of the verse.

Perhaps the intent of King Solomon/Netziv is to convey that Torah and ethics are essentially two sides of the same coin. Study of Torah must lead to fulfillment of mitzvoth, and one who truly studies and observes Torah must necessarily be an ethical person. On the other hand, the politeness and proper behavior which a son learns from his mother, is also to be considered Torah, since Torah established the rules governing interpersonal relations (bein adam l'havero), just as it set the rules governing man's relationship to the Creator (bein adam laMakom).